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Agreements about how to conduct oneself
What is the topic we are going to have a dialogue about?
1. Agree on parameters.
- a. Choose a small issue/belief or aspect of such that can be discussed in one conversation.
- b. This expands each time a place of mutual understanding and/or agreement arrives.
2. Agree to look up terms.
- a. Dictionary definition
- b. Specific aspect of meaning used if this differs from the dictionary definition
3. Agree to share our conceptualizations about the terms.
- a. What are our expanded meanings of terms?
- b. These conceptualizations are not right or wrong - understanding the differences keeps the dialogue on track.
4. Agree to introspect, consider, and share what/who is informing our understanding/knowledge.
- a. This could be personal experiences, things you have learned from others, books, movies, TV, news.
- b. All of this informs us and contributes to beliefs and assumptions.
5. Agree to a length of time for the conversation.
6. Agree that the relationship is the most important thing to preserve/create so maintaining safety is paramount.
Creating a Purpose for the Conversation
What is the purpose of the conversation?
1. Practicing being in a conversation where we have different views.
- a. Patience to really listen- different than not talking, or hearing sounds
- b. Patience to carefully think and then speak
- c. Willingness to feel discomfort
2. Understanding another’s viewpoint.
- a. From different experience basis
- b. As different fundamental assumptions regarding existence, knowing, human nature, ethics
- c. Different life experiences, choices and chances
3. Creating a new viewpoint for oneself.
- a. Finding that a different viewpoint is valid
- b. Discovering errors in thinking
- d. Adding some, until now, unknown facts
- e. Challenging some old beliefs
- f. Examining one's most foundational assumptions
4. Discovering a new truth that transcends and includes our different viewpoints.
Situating ourselves in the Conversation
What is important for the other person to know?
1. What knowledge do we have about the subject? where does it come from?
- a. Very little-is there a topic I know hardly anything about?
- b. Surface knowledge- knowledge from news, tv, movies, people I've talked to
- c. Deep understanding - just a few sources
- d. Deep focused understanding integrated with personal experience and many sources
2. How accurate/true do we believe our knowledge is? (from 1 ( it is total bullshit ) to 10 (it is the absolute truth)
3. Now, what can we expect/try to accomplish in the conversation?
Actual Conversation
NOW... the actual conversation about the topic we agreed on previously can begin....
