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Welcome
my experience of challenging conversations
Why would you want to be in conversations that are potentially uncomfortable, emotionally triggering, and where you know whoever disagrees with you is misguided, uninformed, misinformed, wrong, or an idiot?
Exactly.
In 2020 so much happened that I did not understand. Different media, politicians, doctors, friends, and family all saying something either radially different from each other - or unclear enough that I still don't know what we were really saying.
A few times I tried to engage with individuals I deemed intelligent, thoughtful, courteous, and honest to learn about issues where I did not understand what the 'other' side was saying. For the most part we traded easily found web links to media which supported our respectively held beliefs.
Through this I learned about fact checking sites, sites like 'Allsides" that rates media sources ideological slant, and found an entire set of websites clearly stating opposite positions. All making terrific and valid points.
My commitment is to practice being in conversations on controversial subjects for the purpose of learning. If we all practice- with safety and starting with people we know- perhaps branching out to others who hold dissimilar beliefs will become possible. One by one we all will grow to understand ourselves and each other. At some point we will discover a way forward that includes everyone.
SOURCES
I have designed this website as a way of inviting people to participate in challenging conversations. There are some ways to do this successfully as I have discovered. Here are some excellent books on the topic.
1. On Dialogue by David Bohm A conversation where we 'breathe together' for authentic speaking and listening for understanding.
2. Difficult Conversations: How to discuss what matters most by Douglas Stone
3. Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzer
4. How To Have Impossible Conversations by Peter Boghossian and James Lindsay
and let's remember to keep our sense of humor:)
"More than any other time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly. " WOODY ALLEN
Purpose and Background
Sharing my deeper purpose and desired outcome.
My desire is to engage in a true dialogue including both listening and speaking. The first purpose would be to reach down into the underlying beliefs and values that our opinions rest in. Can we discover a commonality there? We may or may not be of a similar generation, race, and probably have many dis-similar beliefs and traditions. But as human beings there is also lot's in common.
Few actually communicate. It is tempting to parrot the views of our preferred media hosts, politicians, celebrities, and continue to hold unexamined subconscious beliefs ...thus avoiding feelings of discomfort.
Without individual effort in areas of self examination, learning from other perspectives, and changing one's beliefs and opinions based on reality and good thinking it is unlikely that we will find a way forward thata works for everyone.
That said, I am pessimistic about the future. Can difficult, crucial, impossible conversations, and dialogue really be that important?
Yes.
A Short Personal Background--Grew up in New Mexico in a traditional family with a diverse group of friends. Have always been fascinated with individual and group communication dynamics. Worked in large technology corporations for a decade. Spent significant time studying on the psychology of human beings, foundational philosophy, worldviews, and belief systems as well as using dialogue and facilitating groups. Academic degrees include BS Psychology & MBA Marketing-ASU, MA in Whole System Design/Organizational Change -Antioch University. Currently, I care for and train my horses Black-Jax and Dante.
The rest of this site is designed for relaxed reflection and intended to support introspective preparation for being in dialogue. There are questions to engage the subconscious. Observing your internal responses to these questions may lead to insight and discovery.
There are also resources and information on being in difficult, crucial, and impossible conversations. See the Book Outline Section for these. The books are all excellent. Please use the little chat feature in the bottom right corner to share more resources you know about. Thank you for visiting Turquoise Monkee.
Perceiving through your own senses, do you experience the whole of reality?